Haven't i paid enough

I don't understand why I keep having trouble with people, I've done nothing wrong to the people who keep calling the police and complaining to the landlord. Why? Why me? I'm on edge now because the landlord gave me a last warning before eviction because supposed noise and harassment complaints, then the cops were called again Friday night. I don't know what to do.  I was not loud at all Everytime the police were called but it doesn't matter if I'm innocent, there's enough people saying that I'm the problem. I don't have any friends or family to help me with a place to stay and a place to store my stuff or most importantly someone who'll help me haul my stuff to wherever that might be. This is unfair. It has happen one after another sometimes everyday, every week, every month, and every year. It's non-stop. It never lets up. People seem to have a problem with me everywhere I go and everywhere I live, even if they don't know me. I've been thrown out of all shelters and I don't think I can go back to any of them. I'm going to keep praying, it's all I can do. There's things I were guilty of but I made it right. In two days my phone service will be cut off cause I won't have enough to pay for a phone card, I spend the money to repay my neighbors for a pipe they believe I broke. I only have $25 for food and cat food for a whole week. I'm worried sick. Why do I have to go though this constantly? I'm not the greatest person but I'm not that bad that I have to keep suffering. If I tell someone this either they won't believe me and there's gotta be something I'm doing to these people or I'm guilty of being a loud and harassing person OR they'll believe me and say I wish I could help but I cant, acting sympathetic when they actually only care about themselves. I truly hate my life. It's been nothing but constant problems, struggles, pain, and grief. If I do getting served an eviction notice I will end my life. It's not fair what has been happening my whole life. Either I'm cursed, or God is punishing me. Either way I'm ending it all myself if I get evicted, it will be the only option...I'll be homeless again, I'll lose my beloved cat and all my belongings. And again I won't be able to see my kids as often because I'll be homeless. No one likes me, That's fine but don't ruin my life. I overpaid for the things I've done wrong why do I have to keep paying?

An assumption that began my whole downward spiral turned out to be true ans reason behind it all

This is crazy because I just pieced together the whole reason my life took a turn and it was in no way my fault..I'm astonished cause I always thought those horrible events that made my life hell was MY FAULT he said so but what a twist...my bad memory is going and memories of the truth are coming to me... I'll tell you guys about it when I have the time and not tired like I am. But keep coming back to see if I finished this entry, it won't be a waste...you'll be surprised.

A text i sent to my first, only, & true Love

I don't expect u to respond but I have to tell you how it feels losing you, you see our kids I can always say they're mine but as for you I can't say your mine anymore. And it feels like I've been mourning your death...there's not a day that goes by that I don't shed tears...as I'm typing this I am again crying so much my phone will probably get wet. See Chris, I might as well had buried your casket. I can text and call you but your words don't touch like they used to cause you say nothing loving and you might come near while you bring the kids to see me but I can't touch you like I used to. To me that's you, or should I say the Us being dead. I cry more about us being dead & just this entire year than I've ever cried since Joseph's death. Can you now imagine how much love that is. ..that I'm still holding on to....I just don't miss you, I'm grieving and mourning. Every morning every night. Everywhere I go & see a couple that seems like true love & every movie I see with couple made out to be with true love, I breakdown, even in public....why?... because you are my true love. There will never be a past tense in what I just said.